At a transitional time....
The last year of my life has been anything but easy. Health issues, work issues, life issues. It's been a year mixed with highs and lows and experiences that put things into perspective.
The last month of my life in particular, has been more personal. As I come to terms with what's right and what's healthy, and what's honest, my life has become even more topsy turvy. There are two things that I experience with this: feelings of pain and feelings of relief. Doing what's been painful has often provided the most amount of relief. And I don't feel more of one than the other. But I do know that where interpersonal experiences are concerned - which is about 99% of the time - I am doing the most amount of growing and at times, the most amount of ducking.
Because change will happen to you whether you're prepared for it or not. Whether you're holding on to it, or not. It's very painful. I equate it to losing objects of extreme importance. How could I have lost that thing? I've had it for so long.
So needless to say, as I become more honest about who I am and stop being passive, the amount of difficulty in my life has increased. And not everyone has been kind about it in return. I don't know how you folks without confrontation issues do it. Although confrontation is only 10% of the problem for me. Back to that difficulty thing. There has been no shortage of it. But in the midst of that, someone has shown me an incredible amount of kindness and I don't exactly know how to express how much I appreciate it. This person knows who they are. I just want to say that I really appreciate you, and I miss you.
The last month of my life in particular, has been more personal. As I come to terms with what's right and what's healthy, and what's honest, my life has become even more topsy turvy. There are two things that I experience with this: feelings of pain and feelings of relief. Doing what's been painful has often provided the most amount of relief. And I don't feel more of one than the other. But I do know that where interpersonal experiences are concerned - which is about 99% of the time - I am doing the most amount of growing and at times, the most amount of ducking.
Because change will happen to you whether you're prepared for it or not. Whether you're holding on to it, or not. It's very painful. I equate it to losing objects of extreme importance. How could I have lost that thing? I've had it for so long.
So needless to say, as I become more honest about who I am and stop being passive, the amount of difficulty in my life has increased. And not everyone has been kind about it in return. I don't know how you folks without confrontation issues do it. Although confrontation is only 10% of the problem for me. Back to that difficulty thing. There has been no shortage of it. But in the midst of that, someone has shown me an incredible amount of kindness and I don't exactly know how to express how much I appreciate it. This person knows who they are. I just want to say that I really appreciate you, and I miss you.
posted by Phelony Jones at 1:24 PM
2 Comments:
When you find those type of people, they are special. I had one once and almost lost her. Thankfully, the man upstairs is giving us a second chance.
You know what they say, when life throws you lemons, make lemonade. My problem over the last couple of years is it hasn't seemed like I've been real thirsty.....until she came back into my life.
Hope the rest of 2007 is just as happy for you....
Confrontation is usually a waste of energy for me. I'd rather do something production. Plus, I can be one nasty monster so I'm better off avoiding confrontation.
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