Haters!
Have you ever had a friend come to you, who is really, really down in the dumps. Their life is shot: extraordinary bills, no way to pay it, eviction notices, We energies, school supplies and no babydaddy to at least help, car keeps breaking down, barely any food, useless unemployed cheating jerk in the house, and now they are depressed?
So this is the situation of someone I have known for many years, but she has never been in such a position. And it's bad, I wouldn't want to be her.
So what did I do?
I told her what she should do, bluntly because she apparently hasn't heard me before. I gave some examples of how I fixed my life at different times. Heck, all the changes in my life over the past six months have been pretty topsy turvy and there has been some fallout, but I made a plan (kicking and screaming, I might add) and I'm sticking to it. I even have the help of meeting with my parents once a week to review my progress on what I want to accomplish.
Kicking and screaming still happens from time to time, but I know what I want in the end. I explained that to her because she can't expect a quick fix.
So I'm getting the silent treatment. She's talking to me but it's not like it was. Then it occurred to me: she's mad at me because I'm doing what needs to be done. I'm sticking with the hard choices. And I am far from where I want to be, but I'm not worried anymore because I have a plan and I asked for support. And I don't want to let down the ones who are supporting me. Oh, btw, I don't want to let myself down, either.
Just thought I'd throw that in there.
What is apparent to me though, is that soon there will be too much of a divide for me to get along with her anymore. I wish she had made different choices, but you can't help someone who only wants you to commiserate with them instead of push them forward.
So this is the situation of someone I have known for many years, but she has never been in such a position. And it's bad, I wouldn't want to be her.
So what did I do?
I told her what she should do, bluntly because she apparently hasn't heard me before. I gave some examples of how I fixed my life at different times. Heck, all the changes in my life over the past six months have been pretty topsy turvy and there has been some fallout, but I made a plan (kicking and screaming, I might add) and I'm sticking to it. I even have the help of meeting with my parents once a week to review my progress on what I want to accomplish.
Kicking and screaming still happens from time to time, but I know what I want in the end. I explained that to her because she can't expect a quick fix.
So I'm getting the silent treatment. She's talking to me but it's not like it was. Then it occurred to me: she's mad at me because I'm doing what needs to be done. I'm sticking with the hard choices. And I am far from where I want to be, but I'm not worried anymore because I have a plan and I asked for support. And I don't want to let down the ones who are supporting me. Oh, btw, I don't want to let myself down, either.
Just thought I'd throw that in there.
What is apparent to me though, is that soon there will be too much of a divide for me to get along with her anymore. I wish she had made different choices, but you can't help someone who only wants you to commiserate with them instead of push them forward.
posted by Phelony Jones at 7:52 PM
3 Comments:
Some time back, I loaned a friend a major chunk of change to pay his rent for a few months. We'd talked about all kinds of things before hand, and I'd been blunt about what he needed to do, having been there before myself. He's doing better theses days, but he has new friends and no time for our friendship. No, he hasn't paid me back, but, I didn't really expect it. I'd do a lot for a friend. I've been told I'm naive.
I've had a couple of friends like that. The problem with them was the same . . . an inability to do the things necessary to make their lives happier. I've been through some tough times. Emotionally and physically. While I found it nice to be able to share and unload occasionally, I never let that become a habit nor a replacement for doing what I felt I needed to do to make things better. As such, my sympathies only go so far. It's as if some people want others to fix their problems for them.
Sorry. Wrong door.
Welcome to grown up. It's not easy, but I promise it's worth it.
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