Pinup Power

I'm also blocked from the Wisconsin Dept. of Veteran Affairs.

This treatment, for those of us who actually support the troops - not lip service about supporting the troops.

They'll find a way, my friends. I am the all powerful Phel Jones! After all, ladies like me have been painted on bombers for 60+ years.

Top that.

Give That Man A Shower

And Babs, keep your stanking hands off our new conservative leader of France!

We've been waiting for him.

And like Mariah Carey, you're the only one who thinks you're hot.

Who's taking time off for the fourth?

Everyone have big plans?

I'm trying to get as much done as possible here today, but you know, it's not easy. Over the next week I plan to bust keister on my outfits. And try to lose an inch around my midsection. But today I have visions of thimbles and mockups dancing in my head. And visiting my blogcrush. And wanting to visit starbucks. Ah yes, the day before the holidays :)

Friday lolcat

Love it!!!!!!!!!!

Not only because I do love the video, but because of a rather special moment that I will now share in my Friday morning Jazz-in-the-park-itis.

In 2001 I made an Elvis suit for halloween. Not many people dressed up that year because, I think, of September 11th. So here I am as Elvis, friends not dressed up. I was on North Ave and suddenly out of the blue is a group of.... Elvi.

I felt like the bee girl at the end of the video :)




And that's my Friday morning story

h/t Can I Has Cheezburger

I concur

Tonight, one of the people I go with to Jazz in the Park said: "This may be the last year for Jazz".

I have to agree. Between the freaks, the hoods, the crazies, and now the stinkin' ass hippies, it's another gem of our city's culture that's gone to pot. Along with the rest of this once very nice place to be.

The Quotable Dorothy Parker

"It serves me right for keeping all my eggs in one bastard"

read more great Dorothy Parker quotes here

Chris Goodman: Good For Business

I'm telling ya. If it weren't for Chris Goodman, I'd only get five hits a day.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mr. Chet Atkins

Really. I don't know how Chet Atkins did it. He didn't need a band, because his playing sounded like two guitarists. It's magic :)

Three Reasons To Subscribe

To subscribe to I Can Has Cheeseburger?

Well...maybe more than three :)

"lolcats" yep, the only kind of good cat!

The Quotable Co-Worker

"Let me just pry the shoe store out of my mouth"

Cameon Diaz: "I'm Too Stupid To Know What I'm Buying"

Okay, so she's ugly, and she's stupid....

Actress Diaz apologises for Mao bag

US actress Cameron Diaz has apologised for wearing a bag with a political slogan that evoked painful memories in Peru.

The voice of Princess Fiona in the animated Shrek films visited the Incan city of Machu Picchu in Peru's Andes wearing an olive green bag emblazoned with a red star and the words "Serve the People", perhaps Chinese Communist leader Mao Zedong's most famous political slogan, printed in Chinese.

The bags are marketed as fashion accessories in some cities around the world, but in Peru the slogan evokes memories of the Maoist Shining Path insurgency that fought the government in the 1980s and early 1990s in a bloody conflict that left nearly 70,000 people dead.

"I sincerely apologise to anyone I may have inadvertently offended," Diaz said in a statement. "The bag was a purchase I made as a tourist in China and I did not realise the potentially hurtful nature of the slogan printed on it."

I'm sure that Che Guevara shirt is just a fashion statement, too. Y'know, if we educated people about history instead of indoctrinating grade school and college kids to worship the environment and feel good about themselves, we might still have people around who can make a judgment call here and there.

The ugly part, well, education isn't going to help that. Too much.

Phelony Jones Presents

Wayne Hancock.

As I blogged earlier, I was invited to have my sewing viewed at a boutique today on the east side. I received some very helpful feedback from the boutique owner about my work, and what will make it "sellable"

For the record, selling my work was never really in the cards, but who wouldn't want to have something they do well out there in public, for profit??

She chose, as I expected, an outfit that I call Wayne Hancock. In fact she fell in love with it. The Brady Street Fashion Show is on July 28th, so my deadline to have three outfits (top/bottom, 4/6/8 or S/M/L is about a week prior to that. It's a lofty goal, my friends.

Each piece will sell for about $80, of which I will take home about $40. Not too bad, could be better sure, but they're SHORTS. Well, the top will sell too... (entire outfit will retail at about $160) I'm interested in whether they will move, because it will be an investment in time. Of course once you get moving on a pattern and work out the kinks, they go pretty quickly.

I will have to change some of my methods. Overall, she felt my work was high quality. But there are two things I have to do:

- Get a serger or use someone else's. Serging is probably on the clothes you're wearing right now. Look at the seam from the inside. The thread overcasting you see on the edges of the fabric is serging. I use a pinking shears to finish because it's old school and it lays flatter. Doesn't wash very well though

- No hand hemming on the shorts legs. This was and still is a very common practice, and it hangs well. Although it does not particularly sit well with the buyer. So I need to change the positioning and hide the stiches within another seam.

- I have to learn how to size the pattern. I have one pattern, and it's a size 16 (or 6 in modern times). I sized it down, so I can do a small and a medium. A large will be a bit of a stretch. Either way, it'll take some initial work to create an S/M/L scale.

Last but not least...the fabric that I like is on sale at JoAnn right now at $5 per yard. Don't know how much I need for three outfits, I don't want to rush out and do it all today either.

I have time off the first week in July. I think I can do it. In the long run I don't think my goal is to be a designer, but this process moves me up in a few ways. I have to do some math, improve my craft an understanding of scale, and above all, initiate and push.

Tonight I am going to a rather trendy event, with someone I don't know. I'll wear Wayne and see how it goes over. If it goes over well, I'll tell them that after July 28th, they can buy it for their very own at Vieux et Nouveau off Brady :)

Brokeback Mountain

Viewing

So this evening I got my hair did. My hairdresser is on Brady street and if you're female, you've probably noticed the "trail of cute dresses" during business hours that leads off Brady and to a boutique.

I've always wanted to follow the little dress trail, tonight I did. Thanks to an incredible little number that was posted on the corner. Since I'd just gotten my hair done AND bought my products for the next two months (I only use three, but theys an expensive three). Ahem...since I'd just spent all this money, I knew I would only be looking.

But something very interesting happened as I chatted with the store's owner.

I mentioned that I sew. And I told her what I sew.

Tomorrow morning, she will be viewing my work.

We'll see what comes of it. Some of my work is still pretty junior, but I look forward to hearing her input, especially because she has a show this Wednesday. How cool would that be?

Battle of the YouTube Drama Prairie Dogs

Which is funnier??

This'un?



Or this'un?



What's the difference?

First is Star Wars. Second is Kill Bill

Vote!

Skeletor

Does anyone else see it?

Sorry to scare you all. I mean, it's not like it's Halloween or anything.

FraleyTake

Brian Fraley offers Mayor Tom Barrett some practicable, actionable, free advice and direction.

It's worth the read - and if you're from Mr. Barrett's office - I strongly urge you to read it.

If something cannot be done, the mayor needs to step aside. The city needs to be saved, and it can only be done under strong leadership that inspires ownership.

Read the article here.

Now Refresh My Memory: National Guard

Not long ago, there was much ado about the National Guard coming in to help us out over the summer. I supported this idea and I still do.

At the time, politicians and others were squawking about how "bad it would be for the city's image". So the idea was dismissed in typical "we know what we're doing" manner.

I'd like to know who is going to have a little talk with the thugs who made national news by rushing a car and it's driver over the weekend. What does that do for the city's image? Who is going to dismiss the thugs' ideas of mob rushing? Can't the mayor step in and say, "hey guys, we've got that handled, we don't need you all doing that. Just leave it to us".

Absurd statement? Of course. But that's the upside-down, anti-gravity logic that's going on here.

The less we do about it the more we are inviting it. We are creating the problem by not stopping the problem.

I'll say it here and now. We're about to get much more national coverage, and it won't be for taking a bold step in the face of crime and antisocial behavior.

The Quotable Co-Worker

"It's nothing a little shock therapy won't help"

Great Shows in July

I heart seeing live music. Now that I've given up Starbucks I have a few more bucks to my name. I'm saving up for my fall road trip, but I think I have to see one or more of the following shows this summer:

7/22: Squirrel Nut Zippers at Shank Hall. I think they'd be incredible live. I don't own a single one of their CDs, but they're good. That should be a good time.

7/26: Chris Isaak at Potawatomi. The only thing that has me tentative on this one is the price tag. It's 60-70 bones to see Chris Isaak. I don't know how I can make that work. If he was $40 I'd consider it, and it breaks my heart and all, but that's probably more than I can afford. Trip or no trip. I emailed Chris about said price tag but I have this gnawing feeling that it won't get me very far.

Aug 23-25: Ryan Pelton and the Imperials. Ryan Pelton is an Elvis Impersonator and really, the resemblance and performance is uncanny. He was the "Elvis" who performed with Celine Dion on American Idol. This will be a fun night. As tempted as I would be to wear the Elvis suit I made a few years back, I will fully restrain my inner dork. Just this time though.

7/16: The Response at Tanner Paul. They have a great song called "I'm Lloyd Dobler". I might be a little old to like The Response, but I kind of have a thing for younger guys. Don't tell anyone, k?

What shows are you off to this summer?

I Can't Hear Any More About The Portage Incident

I just can't. I have to tune it out

It's gruesome and it appears to be making the media tingly all over. It's as though they get off on it. I'll pray for those involved but other than that, no more intake on this one.

Good News In Twos!

Twofer Tuesday. Well actually it was a twofer Monday.

My parents accepted an offer on their house which is for sale. They've lived there 34 years. One catch though... gotta be out by July 31st. So much for cake at the parents on my birthday!

And my foot isn't broken after all, I found out on Monday. Which is good because it's a long wait around here for summer. And of course, I have to help move stuff. They've moved out a good portion of the stuff in order to show the house, but there's plenty to go yet. Hope they have movers in the plans, because we'll need them.

Now. Gotta go buy a house to live in, and stuff.... !

Art for the Ages

Here is the painting a mentioned before in my post about my Aunt's accident. This is my Grandma when she was 13. It's now with me :)

Some for Me, Some for Thee

Via ebay, of course :)

This weekend I acquired a new batch of patterns. Many of these are too big for me and sizing them down will simply take too much time and shape away from the original design. About half of them will be going on ebay. It's not uncommon for patterns to go for a pretty penny*. We'll see how I do.

Theses will be for me... Quite honestly I'd make the most money off of these, but they're nearly my size (a little big) and frankly, I want them.



These I also like very much, and would like to keep them, but they aren't my size and I know what I will and won't do. For now, I will sell them!








I've never sold patterns on ebay before, but I've bought plenty of them. We'll see how I do, I'm not expecting any great windfalls. I haven't ever seen these on ebay before though, so maybe someone is looking for them.


*Regarder: Vogue 9558!

Want!

I just saw a report on this book on ABC World News Tonight (no, I don't have cable, and furthermore, I am hardly deprived!)

Quel book? The Dangerous Book for Boys

Kind of reminds me of a lot of the stuff that was in Boy's Life magazine, which yes, I read when I was a kid. Here is a snippet of what's in the TOC:

Making a Battery
Seven Wonders of the Ancient World
Building a Treehouse
Skipping Stones
Tripwire
Pinhole Projector

They had the mandatory 15 seconds of whining. What About The Girls???

I have an answer.

Pick up book. Read.

If you can't do that, then you better sit there and wait for someone to rescue you. The stiller and quieter you sit the better

Dear Old Dad

Happy Father's Day, Dear Old Dad!

Enjoy your weekend up north with Ma... we'll see you when you get back!

And, Happy Father's Day to all of my friends, fellow bloggers, and readers who are fathers.

Hmmmmm think foot kinda broken ther.....

dahmiiit....

Friday Tune - I Want You To Want Me

by Dwight Yoakam. Trust me, you'll love it!

Pearls Before Swine

It's what I always say about Angelina Jolie. The global society that is fascinated by her shares a chronic guilt of casting pearls before swine when it comes to this female human, for whom I will not use the title of "a woman".

There's a term used in psychology called Megalomania. Perceived self-importance. It's not too far from narcissism. Most megalomaniacs and other antisocials share a common theme with many criminals - they aren't very smart. They also can't see past their own self importance to read the cues that would indicate others' impressions of them. They'd learn a lot from it if they could. And they'd be pretty embarrassed.


Angelina is attempting to place some pretty severe "restrictions" on the media with regard to her upcoming film about a reporter.

So much so, that reporters are to sign contracts before interviewing her. (Cambodia, anyone???)

So much so, that Fox News will be excluded from being able to interview her. Yep. Compliance. Here's a snippet of that compliance from the contract:

"the interview may only be used to promote the Picture. In no event may Interviewer or Media Outlet be entitled to run all or any portion of the interview in connection with any other story. ... The interview will not be used in a manner that is disparaging, demeaning, or derogatory to Ms. Jolie."

If that wasn't enough, Jolie also requires that if any of these things happen, "the tape of the interview will not be released to Interviewer." Such a violation, the signatory thus agrees, would "cause Jolie irreparable harm" and make it possible for her to sue the interviewer and seek a restraining order.

That's just nice.

Wouldn't you like it if you didn't have to take responsibility for your actions? To be exempt from being asked any questions about something you've delivered and are expecting money for in return? That's the same as saying to your boss, "hey here's what I came up with when you gave me that assignment. Yep this is it. You want to give me feedback? Oh, well, you're going to be limited in what you can discuss with me about it. Sign here".

Isolation from reality. It was a comfy, cozy place for a while I'm sure. Until:

"I am told that USA Today and the Associated Press were among those that canceled interviews, and eventually Jolie scotched all print interviews when she heard the reaction.

"I wouldn't sign it," a reporter for a major outlet said. "Who does she think she is?"

Who does she think she is? Refer to paragraph #2.

For Aaron, in El Paso!

Voila. El Senor Poopypooch

Sorry folks, it doesn't get any cuter than this. It just doesn't. Sorry, this is it.


That is all.

Next Road Trip

Who knows, if I can keep Fourbucks out of the financial equation, I could probably manage to take myself on a road trip in early fall. You know, just when it goes from 80 degrees to 62 degrees around here. Ideally, I'd be packed up and moved to the southwest by then, but I've gotta take these things one step at a time.

Amarillo to Vegas, mostly along new route 40, otherwise known and partially still there as.... "Root 66". Which I've wanted to do since I was 22 years old and making 19k. Yeah that probably wouldn't have happened back then, but in my defense, I sure had less to worry about at the time.

DRQ. Which is MRQ on....well... the poison of your choice

Fred has posted the inaugural "DRQ": Drinking Right Quotes.

Sweet.

For the record, I was there for once. But I not utter peep all night.

Contemplation

Full size in all it's glory here

The Quotable Co-Worker

Normally, I never, ever ever have anything work-related on my blog. But, I tend to keep a sticky around with a running tally of co-worker quotes. No secret about it, if people make the sticky, they know it.

Here are some of the quotes from the past few months:

"This will end in tears, too"

"Let's take a mental freudian ski jump on to the next topic"

"Take a wild screaming guess"

"It's like being nibbled to death by ants"

"I'm out of here. My inner [co-worker name] is running around all over the place."


And last but not least, I have to repeat a quote from one of the Fox 6 blog get togethers:

"I'm not here to help. I'm here to take pictures"

Loves it. Happy hump day everyone.

UPDATE: Another one:

"I am leaving a trail of debris everywhere"

I Hereby Quit Starbucks

You heard it here first.

Hold me to it. Especially those of you who see me there. You know who you are.

More later....

Do you know how long it's been since I've been to a drive-in?

For, evah!

h/t to Silent E. Because dangit, if I had a green station wagon in my fleet, I would be on my way out there now. Unless you make me pull this car over right now. Don't make me pull over!

I admit, I haven't read anything anyone in the media or the blogosphere has written about the Sopranos ending. So I might repeat something everyone's heard. So shoot me. Wait, don't do that. That would be predictable, or something....

I took a few minutes of my precious time to read this article from nj.com and got the gist of everything I needed to get the gist of about the ending:

Since Chase is declining to offer his interpretation of the final scene, let me present two more of my own, which came to me with a good night's sleep and a lot of helpful reader e-mails:

Theory No. 1 (and the one I prefer): Chase is using the final scene to place the viewer into Tony's mindset. This is how he sees the world: every open door, every person walking past him could be coming to kill him, or arrest him, or otherwise harm him or his family. This is his life, even though the paranoia's rarely justified. We end without knowing what Tony's looking at because he never knows what's coming next.

Theory No. 2: In the scene on the boat in "Soprano Home Movies," repeated again last week, Bobby Bacala suggests that when you get killed, you don't see it coming. Certainly, our man in the Members Only jacket could have gone to the men's room to prepare for killing Tony (shades of the first "Godfather"), and the picture and sound cut out because Tony's life just did. (Or because we, as viewers, got whacked from our life with the show.)

Not having ever watched the show, and being an expert at making judgments about stuff of which I do not know or fully understand, I think #2 is the likeliest scenario. And in that, I think the idea of Tony's life ending and never seeing it coming is the likelier intention (not the viewer being whacked).

And if that's the case, I think it's pretty clever and kind of deep.

It's MRQ Time, Kittens!

Stop by and give a belly rub!

Belly rubz courtesy of I Can Has Cheezburger?

The Warm Glow Within

Or more appropriately, Death Valley Left The Light On For Me

death valley junction, amargosa opera house and hotel, originally uploaded by svanes.

Loved this capture of the Amargosa Opera House at Death Valley Junction. Honest, it's really cool!

Yes. Let's fight an invasive species with another invasive species

Haven't we learned anything around here?

Back in the day we lost the Elm trees to Dutch Elm disease. We cut them down. We lost them.

We didn't introduce Chinese Wasps.

That's what's in the works, everyone. The trees are God and so what if we screw up the balance, we have to get rid of those ash borers. Bring in the wasps.

Here's a new flash. THE TREES WILL GROW BACK. They will. What if half the state burned in a forest fire? The trees would grow back.

But no, we have to introduce a nonnative species to save the damn trees. What happens when those wasps bother the sht out of us, like the Japanese beetles do? The Asian Carp? The africanized honeybees?

Don't get me started on all the people in the state who already have bee problems on their property, and people who are allergic to beestings.

Dumb.

Treating the problem, isn't:

A Detroit suburb, meanwhile, bucked early federal directives after the bug's discovery in 2002. Instead of battling it with chain saws, the city opted to pre-emptively treat its yet-to-be-infested trees with pesticides.

It seems to have worked.

In da wrong bidness

$495 bones, people.

Jones needs to do some serious sewing....

Is it a gaffe, or is the media being culturally insensitive?

So Bush called the Pope "Sir"

Being a Christian man, I don't think Bush meant any disrespect.

Being from west Texas and generally the south, the use of "Sir" is a greeting of respect. I know I use it often, specifically as an expression of respect.


Dear media,

Settle down, Beavis.

Regards,

Phel

Politically Correct

Here at the Confidentials, we always give a nod to legitimizing certain causes, even when uncalled for. That said, happy Pridefest weekend, my dear readers!

Humina Humina Humina Sweet Justice!!!

This calls for ANOTHER Webb Pierce Tune!!!!

'cause she's in the jailhouse, now!

"The Goreacle"

Awesome.


Welcome to the cheddarsphere, Rebecca!

http://takingasharpright.blogspot.com/

Casual Friday Tune

Walkin' the Dog by Webb Pierce

Here's Something I Can Respect

From Reuters

Meet Bono? I'm not interested, says Canada's PM

HEILIGENDAMM, Germany (Reuters) - You can stop staring hopefully at that phone, Bono. Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper will not be calling.

The Irish rock star turned poverty activist met U.S. President George W. Bush and German Chancellor Angela Merkel on the sidelines of a Group of Eight summit but was told Harper was too busy to talk to him.

Harper, a somewhat wooden figure regularly mocked for his lack of flair, told reporters on Thursday that meeting Bono was not a priority.

"I've got to say that meeting celebrities isn't kind of my shtick, that was the shtick of the previous guy," said Harper in a dig at his Liberal predecessor Paul Martin, who met Bono regularly.

"I hope we do it at some point but my principle focus in public policies is not kind of to meet celebrities," added the prime minister, a Conservative.

Activists say Canada is trying to block a deal to ensure that western nations live up to promises to boost aid to Africa.

For the record, though, Harper said he liked the music of Bono's band U2.

*Blogger's Note: That last line sums up how I've been feeling about most loudmouthed musicians for years - just play the damn music.

Quitter

Why do we even bother with laws. Where's Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson on this one?

Story of My Life

Well not really. But sorta. I mean... nevermind


Bothered by a Beach-Bore!, originally uploaded by Kristen Lou.

Kristen Lou, one of my Flickr contacts, posted a series of pinup reprints that she found in her grandfather's belongings.

I just think this illustration is outstanding, her expression, her figure, and the art-deco rendering.

You Can't Hold Out Forever

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

- William A. Ward

Well, I Guess That Pre-Empts The Opening of Jazz In The Park

Dangit

A Risk By Nature Cannot Be Made "Safer"

Tonight on Channel 12 they were in true journalistic fashion, spinning little tentacles off the plane crash story. This time, the focus was "can't we make these organ transports safer."

No.

Not unless we move to pneumatic tubes. That probably won't happen.

Organ donation is one of the true wonders of Man and God working together. It's by chance that someone has an accident and loses their life. It's by chance that the circumstances were just right: age, race, sex, blood type, proximity, etc. - that one person's leaving this world means one very special person will get to stay. All at the assistance of doctors who live for the moment that they can help another person live.

It's a risk. It's not safe. It could even take the life of the recipient.

But we do these things because they are right. Regardless of seat belts, helmets, and government regulations. Life finds a way. Life finds a way to bring two moments of chance together for an amazing purpose that touches everyone involved.

Many years ago I signed my license to be an organ donor. Not everyone around me agrees with the decision, but if something were to happen, I would be honored if someone's child, mother, brother, father or grandparent, could get to stay just a little longer with the ones they love.

I wish it was safer, but life is precious and pivotal and full of risk. There is no safety or surety or guarantees. In the end that means a lot of sad... and a lot of beautiful things... can happen. That's okay.

Here's an Idea

Stop paying cops who aren't working. I can guarantee the state of Wisconsin will have a heck of a lot more resources available to hire additional police officers.

Alright. So I guess I jumped the gun with the commentary there.

This is what I'm talking about, from the JSonline:

City would get more for cops under measure

Madison - Legislators voted to give Milwaukee $250,000 more a year to hire additional police officers in each of the next two years, although that was $500,000 less than what Gov. Jim Doyle had recommended.

Some members of the Joint Finance Committee said they were uncomfortable with Doyle's recommendation of $750,00 a year for the next two years to hire city police officers.

Then there's this beauty from crime specialist Rep. Steve Kestell (R-Elkhart Lake)

"If Milwaukee gets $1.5 million more over the next two years, Kestell said, "there's going to be less money available for everything else."

Yep. I'm afraid so sir. But ask yourself this. How do you define "everything else"? Is it discretionary spending? Pat on the back spending? Love me sum-sum spending? Handouts in the form of Social programs?

I'm sure there have been many times throughout history where the word priority came in.

Start with cutting the purse strings from the cops who aren't working.

My Fellow Americans

I work with a lot of people who travel internationally on a regular basis. That being said, sometimes they come back with global varieties of colds, flus, and the like. I've been down for the count lately, and my ability to write anything too deep or analytical is well, focused on trying to get better. It would be nice to be better. Better at a lot of things, as a matter of fact. Including providing you with better reading. For the record I think this cold speaks Dutch. It's tall, blond, lacks boundaries but all things considered, is pretty darned hot.

Two Tunes

That I've got going through my head lately.

Yelling & Company

Hee hee hee.....

Something I had to share...

Michael Hutchence Parties with Supermodels, 1997, originally uploaded by High Steel Heels.

"Here's a foto I took back in November of 1997. Kate Moss is at far left and Michael Hutchence is seated next to Christy Turlington and Naomi Campbell. This was at a private party at a club in the Village...I worked for JFK Jr.'s "George" magazine at the time and was hired to photograph such events. This one was an after-party for a Tibetan Freedom Concert. Eerily, Hutchence died just about 2 weeks after this foto was taken. Sadly, John-John followed less than 2 years later."

*** This image is FULLY COPYRIGHTED. All Rights Reserved. ***

Blogger's note:

Not sure why I found this picture so moving, but I did. For the record, I was the "weird kid" back in 1982 who listened to foreign bands, INXS was one of them. Once INXS got popular I even felt a little alienated, because the worst thing in the world started happening: my classmates were starting to like them. Shock, horror. I set them down for years until I heard the song "Beautiful Girl".

Mark Yelling

I just felt like sayin' it!

As of 3:04 PM

This baby is $48.00.

If anyone has one of these laying around in they basement, please tell me!

Dear Whatever-it-is That I Have...

I would sincerely appreciate being able to breathe.

I would also appreciate more than one hour of sleep at night. Especially after three days with a total of six hours of sleep.

Sincerely,

The Management

Only in America

Could I, at first glance, come to this conclusion about the following photograph:

"Paris Hilton makes humanitarian visit to TB patient"